Is There Such a Thing as Unconditional Love?

Honey Bee
March 28, 2017

Love is the most beautiful thing in this world. It gives us strength, courage and determination. Love pushes us to better ourselves. Love is the greatest thing man can ever know.

But love comes in different forms. Not all love are equal. Some love are about building family and friendships. There is also love for oneself. And at times this love of self can be blinding and be selfish. It can lead a person to destroy others and seek only one’s happiness. But there is also unconditional love. This is the purest and the truest of all the kinds of Love.

What is Love?

Love comes from the Middle English word luf which means “to please”. Love is the desire to please others with the relationship offered by oneself. It is also the desire to please one’s heart.

The word love has been defined so many different ways by so many different people. Scholars, romantics, poets, artists and every man or woman will give you his or her own definition of love. Love truly comes in different shapes and forms.

The ancient Greeks have given names to different forms of love. They have seen that love may not be all the same so they named each and every form to simply the kinds of love known to man.

Agape – Agape is the purest of all the kinds of love. It is a non sexual form of love. This type of love is self sacrificing and enduring. This is unconditional love.

Agape is the love of a mother to her child. It is pure and true. It does not seek any validation or anythng in return.

Eros – Eros is the sort of love you see in couples. It is the love filled with desire and longing for another. It is the sort of love that one wishes to consumate.

However in relationships, eros is not enough to keep a relationship afloat. Agape and Philia is needed in order to keep a two lovers together for a long time.

Philia – Philia is the love of friends. It is dispassionate and virtuous. This type of love is also self sacrificing. It is the type of love that keeps friends together through the years.

Xenia – Xenia is the type of love that we relate with other and our society. It is the type of love that moves us with mercy towards others who have less than what we have. It is the type of love that gives people the urge to help others and volunteer.

The Greatest Love of All: Unconditional Love

When you hear of the words unconditional love, what does your mind see? What does your heart tell you?

Unconditional love comes with maturity and selflessness. It means not seeking one’s own happiness but the happiness of the other. When you are young and a child, you loved your parents because they provided you with the things that you needed.

On the other hand, as you grew up, you felt infatuation towards a person of the opposite or the same sex. You wanted to be with them and desired to be liked back by this person. You long to be wanted. When you start dating, you want security, that your partner will only love you and want you. But this is not agape. This is not selfless love.

Often times, agape or unconditional love requires life experience and maturity. It can come in a young heart ever so rarely but often times, it blossoms in the hearts of those who have lived and have been hurt before. Unconditional love does not ask to be loved back. It does not seek validation or reciprocation. It just loves and exists.

Unconditional love does not demand. It does not seek one’s happiness, but rather seeks the joy the beloved.

Forms of Unconditional Love

Unconditional love does exist. It is one of the greatest gifts given to man and woman. Our hearts are made so great that it can bear unconditional love.

A Mother’s Love – A mother’s love is one of the greatest of all the love known to man. It is a kind of love that endures time and space. A mother can do anything and everything for a child. Mothers often talk about falling inlove with a child even he or she is still int the womb. This love continues until the mother’s last breath.

The Love of a Father – Fathers may not be showy about their love, but they are capable of unconditional love. They work hard and do everything to provide for their families. They also stay at home to take care of the kids. They can learn how to braid and sing songs and not think that it’s ridiculous because they feel love.

Romantic Unconditional Love – Romantic unconditional love is sometimes found in unrequited love. Someone loves someone but the other person does not return the love. It can also be found in relationships. Often times in the beginning of a relationship, one seeks one’s own desires such as Eros. But with time, Agape grows and flourishes.

The Love of Pet to His or Her Master – Have you ever seen a dog awaiting his or her master before? Well dogs are the greatest examples of giving unconditional love. They wait all day for just a single moment of joy knowing you will pat them in the head. Cats may also show this though not as commonly seen by other (however cat people swear by it).

11 Simple Ways to Find Happiness

Honey Bee
July 13, 2016

sow-990330_640Have you ever felt down and lonely that you just wanted to be happy even for a little bit? Have you ever wanted just to feel OK even for a little?

On the other hand, are you going through life neither happy nor sad. You just go on and on existing not really feeling much? Well you do deserve some happiness!

Many of us see happiness as something on the other side of the fence. We constantly dream about it and think that we can have this partner, if we get that job or have a big house, we’ll be happy. But it’s not like that. If you put your happiness on people and things, you will be bitter and disappointed.

Happiness is Simple

The problem with most people is that they view happiness as this giant tree that is so difficult to climb. They think happiness is so difficult to attain and they bend themselves till they break in order to get the things and the people they think would make them happy. But happiness actually comes from choosing to be happy. Yes, you can choose to be happy.

When we were young, we laughed and felt joy from simple things. We enjoyed running in the sun, playing with mud and just being able to cuddle with our favorite toys. But as we grew up, we learned about life’s complexities and thus associated happiness with complexity.

So how do we simplify happiness?

1. Live simply – many of us think that happiness is about being rich and grand. We work to hard until we get burned out because we think that if we get that shiny car, we will be happy. Many people associate happiness with money.

Honestly, happiness comes from the simple things. If we do not buy things we do not need, then we will have enough money to live by. If we become contented with simple joys of life, then we will feel no envy or greed.

A simple life is liberating.

2. Appreciate instead of criticizing people around you – People tend to be bitter because they think people around them should act a certain way in order for them to make them happy. But people are people; they are imperfect. Once we show our appreciation to people around us, they will start loving us more. Love begets love. And when become kind to others, we will live a more peaceful and happy life.

We need to learn how to show appreciation more. We need to tell people we love them now. Many people become sad because they regret not loving people enough.

3. Let go of negative people – On the other hand, if people are toxic and negative, then we need to learn to let them go. They are like weeds that would stop us from growing. People around us influence who we are. If you are always with a person who always complains about his life, you will tend to feel the same. If you are with a person who hates others, you will be hateful too.

4. Make time for yourself – Many people neglect themselves to help others, build their dreams and to pursue greatness. But many times they forget themselves. They become resentful about life and feel burned out with their jobs. You need to unplug and just chill at times. Life is not a race. We need to learn how to relax.

5. Help others – One of the easiest but most neglected ways to be happy is by helping others. We feel a certain kind of high when we are able to assist others. Try to volunteer. Feel stray animals. Give to charity.

6. Don’t try to control everything – People over complicate life by micromanaging everything. We think that if we can control everything, we can be happy. But when you exert too much control on life, you will end exhausted and terribly anxious. Things that are meant to happen will happen. Don’t kill yourself trying to create a perfect life.

7. Do the things that you love – Well having some fun such as traveling, painting, swimming or making good coffee can really recharge your batteries and can help break up the monotony of life.

8. Know how blessed you are – Every morning think about all the good things that you have in your life. Think about your family, your house and your job. Yes, there maybe some bad or infuriating things in those areas but remember that someone out there is dreaming of the things that you just take for granted. You need to learn to count your blessings, I mean literally count them. If you have time or feeling really down, write them down!

9. Adopt a stray animal – A furry friend will forever love you and will always put smiles on your face for as long as they live. They will love you unconditionally. Studies have shown that people who have pets tend to be happier than others.

10. Accept who you are – You are you and only you can be you! You should celebrate who you are; flaws and all. You need to stop punishing yourself and treating yourself like a piece of garbage. Happiness comes from your heart, and if you don’t even accept yourself, how can you be happy.

11. Meditate – Meditation can help cleanse negative energies from your body and allows you to focus your energy on happiness. By meditating, you channel positivity into your body, mind and soul.

Happiness need not be a dream. If you really want to be happy, you have to choose it NOW.

Can Love Be Learned?

Honey Bee
July 7, 2016

paper-1100254_640What does the word love make you think? Do you ever think of fairy tale romances and love songs and romantic cruises? When someone mentions they are in love, do we associate it to this crazy, addictive and so irresistible feeling. Is love something that is magical, unattainable at times and crazy and exhilarating at on other times? Or love can be learned?

Learning About Love

When we were young, we read fairy tales of a princess being rescued by a prince. We read book and watched movies that showed us the ideal kind of love. People normally associate love to a spontaneous and magical feeling that is just unexplainable.

Most of us learned that love is about kindness and trust, but those things are taught often secondarily to the message that love has to be this fantasy like feeling. We were made to believe that love has to be totally passionate and that love saves the day.

I don’t want to be cynical but love should not just be a feeling, Love should be an active choice.

Can We Learn to Love?

Yes we can!

As humans, we have the propensity to learn many things. We learn to feel emotions as we grow. When we were young, we were only selfish and thought about our feelings and needs alone. But as we grew up, we learned that kindness begets kindness.

1. Friends falling in love – Now this is one of the most beautiful things about learning to love someone we thought of just friends before. Friends are people who know us well and accept us for who we are, flaws and all. Friendship is a very good place to begin a loving relationship

A lot of times, we set friends aside for the pursuit of that one great love that we have read about. But we forget that our friends are beautiful/handsome, funny and smart people that are already in our lives.

2. Arranged marriage and matchmaking – 60% of the world’s marriages are arranged marriages. They are often unions between people who may or may not be fully attracted to one another, but fall in love gradually as they learn about the person.

These marriages, because they did not start in passion, normally lasts longer. Passion is good, but as you know fire may give warmth and life, but it may also burn. Once passion burns out and the relationship falls into the mundane day to day life, people tend to feel resentful of their partners.

Fixed marriages may not be the stuff of dreams but they prove that love can blossom.

3. Online dating sites – Online dating sites have been looked down upon before but are now making waves. They prove that personality can allow you to like someone to like someone and just by talking to another another person, we can fall in love.

Online dating can relieve the stress of knowing if the person is a good match for you. You can know right away if his or her interest is suitable to yours. You can also have a fun safe envirolment to meet many people.

The Dynamics of Love

Love comes in stages. The most common one people see is the lust filled part or the sweet moments. Actually love comes in stages of hormonal and neurotransmitters emitted in our brains. Hormones make us feel different emotions and think of different thoughts.

1. Testosterone and dopamine – Testosterone make us feel excited and sexually aggressive. This hormone influences how we approach the person we like. Dopamine on the other hand makes us feel addicted to the person because dopamine is a hormone responsible for feeling of seeking pleasure.

2. Endorphins and Serotonin – These hormones are responsible for making us feel happy and content. They also make us feel us feel motivated and energized. This drives us to see the relationship as something filled with happiness.

3. Oxytocin – Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. This is the hormone normally released after having sex to allow the person not to just run away after mating, but to take care of the future offspring in the prehistoric times.

Oxytocin is also released through hugging, laughing together and sharing good moments. This is a very powerful hormone that allows people to stay in relationships even for years. Oxytocin also drives loyalty and faithfulness.

4. Cortisol – Cortisol is the stress hormone. It makes us feel agitated. It raises our blood pressure, hampers our ability to sleep and gives us an irritated feeling. We normally have this during arguments and issues with a partner.

Love and Life

Love is not just about passion and lust. It also not just about sweet moments. Love is a choice people have to make way after the sparks are gone. We also need to know that love should be learned many times in the relationship. Sometimes our partners make us feel that we are unhappy, but we must continue to love and be faithful.

Life is not a fairy tale, but it does not mean it cannot be beautiful. We need to learn how to love those around us so that we can feel content and happy.

Bouncing Back From A Breakup

Honey Bee
July 6, 2016

girl-1382039_640Breakups are hard. Hence the word break. You don’t just break the relationship up, at times or most of the time, a break up tears you apart. Breakup can cause the sanest, smartest and sexiest of people to turn into desperate, lonely and depressed individuals. But you don’t have to be miserable forever.

If you decided that the relationship is really over and that rekindling is not the path for you or it is not possible, then you must learn to move on. You need to get back on track and fix yourself and your life.

The Journey of Bouncing Back

After breaking up, you will be a mess. If you’re one of those people who are lucky enough to be blessed with the ability to look decent from a break up, then good for you. But if you are part of the majority who would cry on the floor and endlessly eat buckets of ice cream, then you need to be strong.

As to any journey, you have to start somewhere. You have to know that you want to move on. You have to realize that there is life after this breakup.

Grieve and Cry

You will need to let it out. You need to let the pain out. In order for clarity to come to you, you first need the cleansing powers of tears. You need cry and yes, you need to eat that Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Ice Cream.

Grieving is part of the natural human and psychological process of dealing with a loss. When we lose something very dear to us. A part of us literally breaks. It hurts all over and we need to realize that pain is part of the process of letting go.

Spend Time With Friends

First you need a good support system. In the first few days of the break up, your friends will be your sounding board. They will be the shoulders you will cry on.

Later on, they will be the people who you find fun times with. When you are having fun, it is more likely you will move on from the pain.

It’s Time to Love Yourself

In order for you to move forward, you have to learn to see yourself in a beautiful light. You do deserve love, you deserve love from yourself. You need to love yourself despite your imperfections. You also need to see all the good things about you.

Once you have realized this, then you can now start working on yourself. You can now start dong things that you have missed out because you were in a relationship.

Have you ever wanted to travel alone? Then do it! Have you ever wanted to get a crazy haircut? Then do it! Have you always thought that you needed new skills like learning how to do gardening or baking or a new language, then do it!

You deserve to be given the best in life by no other than yourself.

Meditate

Meditation is not just for hippie, artsy fartsy and wild child people, it’s for everyone. Meditation not only cures your heartaches, it also allows you to connect to your soul and spirit. Daily meditation relieves anxiety and stress.

Accept That It’s Over

Acceptance may take time, but you need to find it in your heart that there is an expiration date for every thing. There is no such thing as forever. Death separates people too just like breaking up. People come and go into your life for a reason.

This may be difficult but you have to give it yourself.

Do Something That Excites Yourself

Once you have moved on from the pain, it’s now time to live fully again. And this time, this is not just about new hair cuts and beauty treatments, this is about rekindling your passion to live. You need to find the fire you once had. You only have one life, go live it.

Yes, You Can MOVE ON!

Moving on is tough. But you need to do it. If you don’t move on, you will be bitter and resentful for a very long time. If you don’t move on, your next relationships are bound to be doomed because you will care all the excess baggage into your new relationship.

You can learn to be strong again. You can bounce back.

Can You Ever Get Your Ex Back?

Honey Bee
July 6, 2016

divorce-619195_640Gong through a breakup can be one of the most devastating things that a person can ever experience. We all know how much it hurts. Missing the ex tears our hearts apart. But is it ever possible to get the ex back into your life?

Getting your ex back requires wisdom and determination. But what it does not require is begging, groveling and looking desperate. Yes it can all be tricky, but if you follow this guide, you may have a chance to get your ex back.

Step 1: Unfriend, Unfollow and Stop Stalking Him or Her

No one, I repeat no one wants a sick psycho following them around or cyber stalking them. You may think that your ex would be happy to know that you still think about them all the time, but going overboard will creep them out.

By unfriending them on Facebook, unfollowing them on Twitter and not cyber stalking them, you give your self the chance to “breathe” and think straight. If you keep on following them around, you will not only remember the good parts you’ve had, but also the miserable ones. And that is a recipe for disaster if ever you get back together.

This step also will help you complete the other steps which would entail not contacting your ex and improving your life.

Step 2: Clear Your Head

You will go through grieving. You will cry, you will rant to your friends and you will eat that tub of ice cream. That’s fine. Allow yourself to grieve. But in the end of the day, you must not spend an entire day just mopping around. Just think, if your ex saw you right now, would he or she want to be with you or would run away far from you because you haven’t showered in days?

You have to know why things did not work out and why he or she left. Was there anything that you did? Or was it really something coming from them? By knowing the cause of the breakup, you will know how to improve on yourself.

Also need you need to now clear your head from groveling. Meditation can really help you focus on self love and self healing

Step 3: Stop Yourself From Begging and Looking Desperate

Everytime you want to cry in front of him or her, stop. Every time you want to beg him or her to reconcile right away, stop. Every time you want to call him a hundred times, stop. Every time you want to call or text him to come over when you’re drunk, STOP!

No one will want to get back with a person who is desperate and needy. The more you beg, the more likely he or she will move away from you and resent you. Have you ever had a wet shirt on? You may have loved that shirt but you’d want to take it off right? Same goes for needy people.

Showing your ex that your eagerly want them any time means you have no life. No life equals boring or unattractive.

Step 4: Set A Time for No Contact

I know you may tell yourself that yes you won’t grovel or beg, but that is not enough, you have stop communication for a while. You HAVE TO GIVE YOUR EX A CHANCE TO MISS YOU.

If you continue to communicate, even in a civil manner, chances are they will still think of you as the same person they broke up with. They may not be able to remember how sexy, attractive or funny you were because the last time you guys were together, you were breaking up.

Also, during the time of giving each other some space, you will need to take on improving yourself. You need to work on making yourself desirable and vibrant. You have to learn how to be happy again even without your partner/ex. Say what? Yes that’s right, you need to be happy by yourself because this happiness will draw people towards you. One of this people could be your ex.

The minimum time for a person to miss you and for you to bounce back to feeling unbroken would be about a month.

Step 5. Be Desirable and Vibrant

Do you remember the time before you were in a relationship? The time when you can be by yourself and be happy? Well, you have to have that now in order to attract your ex back.

  • Prettyfy yourself

  • Exercise and get in shape – you don’t have to be a super model but exercise can help you feel better because of all the feel good hormones.

  • Take yourself on dates – treat yourself, you deserve it.

  • Try something new

  • Have a positive outlook – try some positivity meditation and mantras. Appreciate life again.

  • Be in love with your life

Step 6: Text Your Ex

No don’t say you love him right away. But don’t be vague either. Try sounding friendly and casual. Try to put in a short line about the stuff you did before like

“Hey ____________, I hope you’re doing great. Me and Sally ate at Bistro Italiano and I remembered that how much you liked their truffle pizza.”

Or text them and let them know that you are now wonderful and having fun.

“Hey _____________, what’s up? I decided to sign up to learning Spanish. I remember I’ve told I always wanted to do that. I was contemplating if it would be Spanish or French, what do you think?

Don’t reveal too much in your text. Just to sound friendly and casual but also remind them that you once had something beautiful BUT DO EASE INTO IT.

Step 7: Ask Them Out For Coffee

Don’t ask them out on a date, ask them out for coffee.

The word “date” can scare them away. Just say that you want to catch up over coffee. Have a great friendly chat. Observe them if they are having fun. Then don’t bombard them with texts after. Just be nice about it and send one message saying that you had fun.

Don’t ask them to sleep with your right away. Let them see you and miss you.

After the coffee and a few more coffee chats, maybe ask them to hangout for some movies. Ease into it.

This Needs Time

Getting your ex back will be a journey. It will be painful at first, but if you really think that he or she is the one, then you have to be patient. I hope I have helped you out.